We all have those thoughts that have the ability to turn us into the weakest, smallest and saddest version of ourselves. Over the years I’ve had several of them and I completely broke myself into tiny pieces. My facade cracked and I couldn’t fake it anymore.
Confidence, self- worth and love, assertiveness, beauty, value, standards, joy, dreams and hope . . . These words, the weight and meaning of them were so foreign to me not too long ago. It’s amazing how we let the different encounters in our lives shape our identity. When you’ve had someone speak something negative over you, or something traumatic happens to you, you automatically take on the identity of being worthless and unloved. You form this obsession with being accepted. Not necessarily for who you are, but what you can do for and be to people based on their expectations, and you reject yourself in the process. You tell yourself that acceptance has to be earned, and you try so hard to look and be a certain way, even if it costs you your happiness. You let go of yourself.
A few things that I wish someone would have told me is that; life is best lived when you’re authentic to who you are. You can’t earn value, you’re already valuable. People will treat you the way you teach them how to treat you based on how you see yourself. You set the standard, so be as authentic as you can be so that you can set the bar as high as possible.
For a long time I opted for the shortcut, faking it. I would be a chameleon, changing based on peoples expectations of me. The expectations were so unobtainable because they required me to be everything else but me. I was constantly working outside of myself and I pushed myself far beyond reason. It only took about a quarter of a century to realize that faking it – faking the need to socialize extensively when you aren’t okay, faking the strength to be in emotionally and psychologically abusive relationships, faking the determination to fit a size 8 whilst naturally and beautifully being a size 12, and just being everything else but me is such a waste of the person that I truly am, and the same goes for you.Why would you trade yourself for anything?
The time that you spend faking where you’re at, and who you are in life, you’re smothering and eliminating your own uniqueness and personal growth.
I posted a picture on Instagram briefly talking about how I’ve become more authentic towards, accepting of and kinder to myself. Not faking it is honestly realizing that you are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress. Discovering who you are, your hopes and dreams, likes and dislikes happens one day at a time over a lifetime. Of course there will always be room for improvements, but you don’t have to pursue perfection but progress. Being authentic in your walk and not comparing yourself to others is the goal. It’s not an overnight process, but over time you’ll legitimately find out who you truly are and be okay with that. Don’t rush the process.
Even though the saying is cute, you don’t always make it by faking it. When you fake it, it only seems like you have it all together with no time and space in your mind to actually obtain a healthy self image, pick a career path, build authentic relationships and other important things that require you being you in order for them to be successful.
Ask yourself these questions: Do you ever feel the need to be anyone else but you? Why? How can you improve the areas you struggle with without causing more damage to or compromising yourself? How can you actively acknowledge and esteem yourself in the process of becoming a better you? Be real – we’re not perfect in any way, and we don’t have to fake our progress as we work towards becoming the best versions of ourselves. Embrace and be yourself, whoever that is. Make it so that you don’t have to fake it.